The spectrum of surprise
From an anonymous source (a source that I wouldn’t say was a past therapist because I’m a robot and don’t concern myself with mental growth) I’ve learned there are 6 basic emotions - happiness, sadness, anger, fear, disgust, and surprise. The theory states that - while you will certainly face more complex emotions - these six are the core emotions. Initially I was surprised that surprise was on the list; but after reflection, I was surprised I was able to work the word surprise into a sentence four times. My life is very stupefying (a synonym for surprising). A subtle form of surprise rather - like finding a rogue, completely fresh pineapple by the side of the road - I guess events like these are possible, but I’m still incredibly confused when they occur. Why is this pineapple here? Is it missing it’s family? Most road pineapples I’ve met are rotting vulgar personalities; why is this one completely fresh and wholesome? In an effort to quantify an emotion (because that’s definitely possible, he said ironically) I’ve created a personal spectrum of surprise. Each of the following items, starting with the least surprising, will increase in shock factor until we’ve reached MA, maximum astounded-ness.
Masks in Movies - Or rather, the lack of masks in movies. Has anyone else watched a movie recently and thought to themselves, “Why isn’t anyone wearing masks; what’s going on here...” then been smacked in the face with the frank reality of the changing times?
My Girlfriend’s Parking Ability - The whole idea for this post arrived at the doorstep of my cerebrum while watching my girlfriend successfully park between a gigantic concrete pillar and a rude, over-the-line Toyota. As a comparison, imagine trying to fit an entire potato into your mouth. Yeah maybe it’s possible if you convert the potato into french fries, but unless I missed it during my dumbfounded blinks, cars don’t transform like that. Apparently she parks in this particular spot often which (other than the visual proof) I find hard to believe.
The Wolf of Wall Street - Recently I saw Wolf of Wall Street for the first time and my mouth hung jaw-dropped for the entire movie. Especially true for someone who’s lived more of a sheltered life than not, it’s altogether shocking. There aren’t people who live like this, right? I don’t understand. The mystified me was basically the same as a child at the zoo seeing exotic animals for the first time. There aren’t animals with this long a neck, right? I don’t understand.
Homemade Mayo - Anyone who’s attempted this impossibility knows why it’s called miracle whip. Eggs and oil - those are the only ingredients. Eggs and oil! It took us three tries, following instructions such as “whisk like you life depends on it” and “add the mixture drop by drop”, but by some sorcery we created mayo on the third attempt. We were alchemists, knowing full well the science was a sham, but at the end of the experiment we had a bowl of gold. The head scratching miracle left us speechless. Truly the most surprising phenomena I’ve experienced.
