You know your lazy if… & Distressed jeans

You know you’re lazy if your microwave clock is set, based on the last time there was a power outage.

You know you’re lazy if you’re more inclined to throw away moldy Tupperware than to wash it.

You know you’re lazy if you have moldy Tupperware to begin with.

You know you’re lazy if you eat your foods from the same frying pan that you cooked them in.

You know you’re lazy if instead of melting refrigerated butter for your toast, you just stick it in your mouth and let your tongue do the job.

You know you’re lazy if you haven’t voted yet.

You know you’re lazy if, midway through your blog post idea, you switched topics because you didn’t want to invest time thinking through more examples.

***

The degree of “ripped” in jeans is called distress. 

Image that you are a pair of jeans. You’ve just been sewed into the world unblemished and are happy. You spend most of your childhood in-and-out of warehouses, but hope to one day make it into the big leagues. Your dream school is Old Navy, because that’s where all the best jeans go. You’re intelligent and your fabric is of high quality, but if you aren’t accepted, Walmart is your fallback.

One day while checking your emails, you see a request for an interview from, guess who!, Old Navy. Your heart skips a beat; this is everything you’ve ever wanted. You tell all your friends and family and they are happy for you as well. They wish you luck as set out to ace the interview.

Ultimately you’re accepted into the program, but at a traumatic cost. The interviewers tell you, you’re right below the cut-off point and would need some extra points if you were to be admitted in. They tell you, they need you to be distressed. 
You’re flabbergasted. You tell them, you would never - you’re not that type of jeans; you were raised in a family with morals.
In response, they threaten to blackmail you. They have the power to prevent you from even getting into Walmart.
Reluctantly, you agree to be distressed.

The rest of your life is filled with regret. You sever ties with your family because you are ashamed of your vile act. You feel dirty; how could you stoop to such depths. Despite eventually meeting a nice pair of legs from an affluent background, you’d trade it all for a chance to go back. No amount of distress is worth a life of misery. 

Anyways, I think pre-ripped jeans are dumb, but at least they make me laugh, lol.