World Cup 2022 Predictions

On Black Friday, November 25th 2022, the US Men’s National Team will do battle against the Three Lions - a.k.a., England - and you need to watch. Cancel your post-Thanksgiving shopping plans and lend your support to the home team. In the fist-fight between Uncle Sam and Union Jack, our young-blood representatives stand little chance without your support, so in the standard American act of assistance (after you’ve given birth to your Thanksgiving food baby) find a sports bar, find a couch, find a stadium, turn your attention to the tv, and start screaming. It’s your civic duty.

This isn’t true, but in the Star Wars franchise the Galactic Empire was based on the British Empire. With only a mild splash of color-blindness, it’s easy to see the similarity between a Redcoat and a Stormtrooper. When Emperor Palpatine is electrocuting Luke Skywalker, it’s clearly a metaphor for King George III taxing a poor New England boy without representation. BUT, we all know how the story ends. What the Rebel Troops lacked in gunpowder, they made up for in scrappiness, determination, and a lucky shot that should have been blocked. 

There are countless reasons why you should root against the Evil Empire on Black Friday. The most prominent reasons can be found on a “List of wars involving the United States” wikipedia page. History aside, you should root against England because they’re Goliath and we’re David. They understand how the game works and we’re busy across the pond getting concussions with our chosen sport - it’s manifest destiny to take away what was rightfully theirs to begin with. That’s the American way.

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My bold prediction for the 2022 World Cup: Belgium will take home the trophy with 14% probability.