The worst thing to say in an airport

Have you ever been in a situation where you horribly misread someone’s tone and gave the exact wrong answer as a result?

So I was in the airport security screening line when the screener asked, “What’s in the box?” Important background info: I brought a cardboard box as my carry-on. Someone in the background, part of TSA as well, also asked, “What’s in the box?” but with a Brad-Pitt-esque inflection. The lady who asked was smiling, so I thought: ok, we’re both on the same page, it’s a Seven reference.

Then I said, “Body parts”.
She didn’t blink or give any inclination that that was off, so I assumed she was playing along.
TSA: “What kind of body parts?”
Me: “A human head.”
TSA: (A pause) “What are you using to protect it? Ice? Medical wrapping?”
Me: “Just clothes.”

She continued to ask questions that drug the joke into the ground. Then it dawned on me: maybe she hadn’t been smiling. She’d been wearing a mask, so who’s to say. If it wasn’t a joke, why was her tone so cheery though? And maybe the background worker hadn’t spoken like Brad Pitt – it only sounded like it, because people put emphasis on all the same words when asking a question. But when someones says, “What's in the box?” is it possible not to hear Brad Pitt?

I explained it was a joke and that I thought she was making a Seven reference. The blank stare I got back communicated she hadn’t seen the movie.

In the next scene the airport security is checking the contents of the box and chewing me out for giving that response, saying it was completely inappropriate given the circumstances. On the bright side, the line was the shortest I’ve ever seen at the Seattle airport (not related to the story, just a slow travel day).