Heidi-kus

Guest post number three! (See link if you’d like to write one yourself.) This week’s guest post is written by my amicable, vastly knowledgeable, impressively well-written, work manager Heidi. Emphasis on well-written. Heidi also writes a blog, and despite not knowing anything about The Bachelor, I highly enjoy the writing itself. (See link to visit her blog - highly recommended.) Thank you Heidi for taking the time to share your writing on my blog!

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For centuries, human beings have turned to poetic verse as a means of self expression. Unfortunately for me, the Washington State Public School System prioritized formulaic five-paragraph essays as a means of self expression. While this has taught me the valuable lesson that “thirdly” is an appropriate word to use to begin the topic sentence of paragraph four, my knowledge of iambic pentameter et. all has suffered greatly. Consequently, I typically express myself through a patchwork of self deprecating comments, terrible puns, and references to various Tina Fey projects.

However, there are a few things in life that need to be memorialized in verse to truly be understood. 2020 was a year that went down worse than the pilot episode of Gold Case. To help myself process what the heck just happened, I have employed the only poetic style I know. Haiku. Or, as I like to call it, Heidi-ku.

Pajama Year:

Wearing sweats to work

You might think it would get old

But you would be wrong

Why is My Nose Running:

That terrible thought:

Is there pollen in late fall

Or do it have “it”?

I’ve Run out of things to Watch:

Nic Cage has such range

Vampires Kiss shows it all

He eats a real bug

I Never Got Bingo:

Twenty twenty was

Such a disappointing year

Where was Godzilla?

Two-ply:

It’s been several months

Since I have used a bathroom

That’s not my bathroom

Advertisers are big fat liars:

If, like they’re saying

“We’re all in this together”

Where is Zac Efron?