Weird things I saw on the way home
I was driving down Aurora Avenue and I saw a prostitute. I can’t say with 100% confidence that the person was a prostitute, but I can say with confidence that she wasn’t wearing any pants. Her lingerie underwear, mesh leggings, and scant bra didn’t hide much. At the 95% confidence interval, I’m pretty sure her wardrobe was the wrong answer to the Seattle downpour. At the very least, the young lady was in desperate need of mothering. Just so it’s on the record, my girlfriend was driving home with me and she agreed with the assessment. Also - since I get to control the narrative - my girlfriend was the one who noticed all the details. My eyes were glued to the road, because I’m a responsible driver.
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On a different day, but still on my way home, still driving down Aurora, I saw someone shooting fireworks over the highway. It wasn’t a holiday, so I doubt it was celebratory. The hooligan looked as raggedy as his homeless camp surroundings, so my hunch is that he hadn’t anything better to do. Seattle has a real homelessness problem. I’m not sure of the root cause of the problem, but the increasing number of tents that I’ve seen over the last two years has roughly mirrored the increasing cost of living.
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I was taking an elevator home and I saw a murderer. He asked if I wanted to share the ride up and I said no thanks. I’m not looking to get murdered today, I mean, I’m very frightened of Covid. Obviously I can’t go in a room with a stranger. In fairness to the nervous-looking man, who seemed uneasy and couldn’t remember his key-code password until the fourth try, he probably wasn’t a murderer. But it’s my personal opinion that anyone who smells worse than roadkill, has smears of mystery liquid on their arms, and is carrying a human-sized garbage bag with something heavy inside… needs to be on some type of watch list.
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On my way home, while walking by a playground filled with a lot of kids, I saw a middle-aged man playing. It was odd because playgrounds are for kids and he was a full-grown man. It was also odd because he wasn’t wearing a shirt. If it’s any consolation, he did sport a nice helmet, but maybe that’s odd behavior as well. On closer inspection, I realized the shirtless dude was actually working out. Kudos to him for great form and activating his triceps. Never skip arm day. After he finished, he jogged home with neither a kid nor a bike. Before that moment, I had thought having a kid was a prerequisite to using a playground and owning a bike was a prerequisite to wearing a helmet. I guess not though.
