Venom 2 review

Has anyone seen the second Venom movie? Has anyone else been surprised that it somehow got a 60% on Rotten Tomatoes; even more surprising, the trash fire got an 84% audience score. I’m not saying that it’s an objectively bad movie, but I am saying that I’d never trust anyone who gave the movie a thumbs up. 

Picture me on the side of the road, in the middle of the desert. I pull out my phone: “Hey friend. Yeah, I’m out of gas and I’m 100 miles from the nearest gas station. I need help. I’ve tried everyone else and they’re unavailable.”

Friend: “That sucks. I can come get you. Where are you at?”

Me: “Past the outlet mall going west. Drive 30-some miles past the drive-in theater, and I’m the sad looking Subaru on the right hand side.”

Friend: “Ok cool. I know where that’s at. I just saw the new Venom movie there. I’ll see you in about two hours.”

Me: “Wait… What did you think of the movie?”

Friend: “I dunno. It was pretty good - would recommend it. Do you want me to pick you up Taco Bell on the way? I’m going there anyways.”

Me: “Ok, nevermind. I’m going to walk. Don’t pick me up.”

Friend: “What!? What are you talking about? You're not going to make it.”

Me: “I’ll take my chances. On a totally different note, we can no longer be friends. Goodbye.”

If I have to explain to you why the movie was bad, it probably means you're part of the Marvel cult. It’s ok. It’s not your fault. You’re the victim. I’ve seen numerous people trapped under Disney’s heel. They lure you in with safe, expected plots, feel-good justice, and family values. Gross. During my childhood, from ages: Kung Fu Panda to Black Panther, I was on the bandwagon. But like all pioneers, I eventually got off the trail and moved on with my life. You can too. Here are two red-pill reasons why the movie was bad.

Reason One: The story wasn’t good.

I’ve been self-studying story structure for the last two years so I’ve tricked myself into thinking that I’ve got a valid opinion on the matter. When has formal education ever been positively correlated to subject matter expertise, right? A critic might say it’s an inflated knowledge, like when a Googler self-selects sources that all have titles that support their original hypothesis. To these naysayers, I naysay back: “Yeah, that accurately fits my situation but on top of it, I read a few books, so… your move.”

Anyways, legit credentials aside, I can confidently say that the story was trash. The first part of every story should establish what K.M. Wieland calls the normal world. This part of the story should showcase the protagonist’s life before the story begins. We should be given reason to care about the main character while also seeing their flaws. This helps both with emotional pull and character development. For example, we care about a young wand-snapper because he lived in a broom cupboard under the stairs. We care about a defiant archer because district 12 sucks. World building is important before jumping into the actual story, because if done poorly, the audience won’t care.

Venom 2 failed this crucial setup piece. It’s opening scenes were confusing, ineffective, and gave me little reason to care for Eddie Brock. The movie relied too much on the first film (which debuted three years ago) for exposition and I struggled to grasp what was going on. 

At its core the film was about cohabitating with a friend, which I believe was a poor direction for an action movie. At the first plot point Venom (the cool version of flubber parasite) and host-body Eddie Brock decide to part ways after disputing about their living arrangements. Venom wants to eat more people, but Eddie doesn’t condone cannibalism. The conflict hits a standstill, and the roommates split. At the midpoint the protagonists (both played by Tom Hardy) realize they can’t live without each other. Venom literally can't survive without the right symbiotic match; he drains his temporary hosts faster than overnight headlights drain a car battery. And Eddie just sucks at his job; he needs assistance from someone more observant, stronger, and versatile. At the third plot point, the bros not only realize that they need each other but that they’re the perfect match. They consummate the union by booking an island getaway and making out on the beach in the final scene.

On the back of that deflated story, a bad dude named Carnage is wriggling around causing mischief. The antagonist crawls his way into the story and forcibly reminds the audience that his name is Carnage. More on bad dialogue later. The scenes with Carnage make a lot of sense if you don’t think about them. Like, what’s his connection to Eddie or how’d he get his powers? The foreshadows surrounding the antagonist weren’t the brightest and I felt I could easily predict what would happen next. The story would have been better if it’d been built off of the conflict between Eddie and Carnage not Eddie and Venom.

Reason 2: The dialogue was awful.

Maddie and I were laughing throughout the movie at the dumb dialogue. It’s the kind of movie that’s so bad it’s good, like Sharknado, but somehow still a blockbuster movie. 

I’ve scoured the internet looking for the script of the movie to provide examples, but I unfortunately couldn’t find it. I thought about watching the movie a second time to jot down examples, but obviously I wouldn’t waterboard myself a second time. So, the examples will all have to come from memory. For reference, my memory is as good as that one kid from the children’s book who could take photos with her mind by saying the word “click”; I don’t remember her name. 

Good dialogue should move the story forward. It should carry tension to support the underlying conflict or theme. It shouldn’t spew exposition. Announcing that the bad guy’s name is Carnage at least three times would be a good example of what not to do. So much of the film’s dialogue had to explain the plot. It went along the following lines.

Chief detective: “Eddie, you’re a journalist for the Daily Bugle. You need to do your job. Go down to the prison and get the interview.” 

Eddie: “You’re crazy, doc. The guy’s a serial killer. He’s killed at least 8 people. I ain’t in no hurry to rush and meet him.”

Chief detective: “Eddie, come on. You’re bad at your job as it is. If I were you, I’d be worried more about job security and less about serial killers.”

Eddie: “Fine. Fine. Whatever. I’ll grudgingly do it.” 

Apart from being stale, the dialogue was also illogical. Take for example the meetup between Carnage and his longtime, unavailable girlfriend Shriek. After a 17 year hiatus, Carnage decides to break her out of her militarized psychiatric ward.

Carnage: “Hey babe, you up.”

Shriek: “Yeah.”

Carnage: “Good news, I’m breaking you out.”

Shriek: “Cool. I've been waiting for 17 years, I’d thought you had forgotten about me.”

Carnage: “Never babe. Oh also - by the way - since you’ve been gone I’ve been infected by a parasite. In addition to six new appendages and an oozy layer of bloodshot skin, I’ve grown twelve sets of additional teeth. I know it’s a lot… What do you think?”

Shriek: “Totally hot!” 

***

In summary: The second Venom movie was not good. One star.

I’d like to hear other options if anyone’s seen it.