Three star dental review
Some background: Recently, my girlfriend had a miserable experience at the dentist, and she agreed to let me write the review. Since neither of us are in the business of wrecking businesses, we agreed to give a three star review for a one star experience, albeit with a dramatized thumbs-down written rant.
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When I arrived, I noticed an empty waiting room with an overly eager receptionist. She grabbed me by the teeth and said, “Welcome [insert redacted name]! We’ve been waiting for you!” Her tone was kind enough, but her striking eyes undercut the hospitality; they cried out, “We’ve been starving for clients… Looks like we finally captured a pair of chompers… How precious...”
After providing my information and surrendering my armor, I placed my trust in their latex hands. Slowly, I laid down on the “operating table”. In the background, displeasing music blasted, creating an uncomfortable environment. Compared to my prior dental office, the equipment looked outdated. There wasn’t a TV to distract myself from the unsettling ambience. The appointment should have been quick. I’ve never had a cavity, I floss regularly, and I’ve got gold stars from my previous dentist proving I’m an in-and-out, no-problems girl. But…
Dr. [name redacted] walked in and started poking my gums until they bled. There was so much blood. She jabbed the gum above each tooth three times until the pool of blood scabbed over, essentially creating red grillz. I worried that they were going to stab my lip with the little spear just to see it bleed. I could only squeeze my eyes closed and try not to think about the pain. This was all performed in an effort to confirm, “Yeah, you have healthy gums.”
Next, the dentist (or maybe the hygienist, because the cleaning and assessment were performed by the same person) yanked my head to the side and applied pressure to my jaw. From different angles and with different amounts of pressure, the dentist squished my face. The dentist kept asking if it hurt, and I struggled to find a polite way to say not enough to make you worry, but can we please stop this now? I can confidently say that I have strong jaw strength, but at the same time, I can confidently say that my jaw has been sore for the last three days. Not an acceptable trade-off in my books.
I blocked out the details, but the rest of the appointment went along the following blur: cleaning with some type of invasive poker that nearly crushed my teeth, flossing (but only the teeth that were easy to reach), gargling with what I assume was Covid-safe mouthwash, but tasted like ass, and finally leaving with dried pools of blood hanging out in the cracks between my teeth. At no point did the dentist use a toothbrush, which seems substandard.
In summary, my teeth are extremely clean, but I’m in a lot of pain. I’d rather have just average cleanliness and significantly less pain. Three stars.
