The apartment economy: omicron symptoms on 29th ave
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Stocks and spirits plummeted following a Covid outbreak in the two-person apartment on 29th Ave west. Backdropped by pile-up dishes and ransacked boxes of tissues, the apartment economy has fallen into disarray.
On May 9th, two days removed from attending the Kentucky Derby (with a human attendance of 147,000) an unnamed member of the apartment population started exhibiting Covid symptoms. What started as a leaky nose, subtle drops foreshadowing something bad, quickly became a firehose of neon snot. In response, also aided by runaway inflation, the commodity price of toilet paper skyrocketed. Unfortunately, that was only the horrible beginning.
Faster than you can say - “Rich Strike? 80-1. Are you kidding me!? I don’t think he was even in my racing analysis since he wasn’t even in the race until late last night! This is an insult to the two hours I spent listening to horse racing podcasts. Absolutely crazy.” - anyways, faster than you could say a long phrase that should have been axed by an editor, the other 50% of the population caught the virus. Nasty symptoms rained down on the apartment. Migraines. 100+ degree fevers. Non-stop Darth Vader coughs. Tailspinning into a miserable montage, the population lost the ability to think critically or operate heavy machinery, most considerably the dishwasher and washing machine. The mountains of dirty dishes were rivaled only by the rolling hills of dirty clothes. The motivation of the apartment economy sludged into the gutter while gross domestic product sunk to an annual low.
Workers went on PTO strike, instead opting to recover on the couch while watching an onslaught of Marvel movies. A firsthand source reports having made significant progress in phase three of the cinematic universe. This occurred between Wednesday, May 11th and Thursday, May 12th. During the work days surrounding the strike, laborers showed up to work, but, video blackened and audio muted, only gave an available 60% effort.
Amid the crisis, the apartment economy received much needed foreign aid from ally countries. Friends dropped off meals, groceries, and medicine. Leaders of the apartment cannot express their thanks enough for the drop-shipped support, especially the oranges. Without debate, oranges should always be the first pillar in any recovery path.
The week following the climax of symptoms, the apartment economy remained in quarantine while battling the lingering symptoms. Each coffee included a shot of Ibuprofen and each meal was eaten with a side of cough drops. It took two weeks and all the toilet paper, but the apartment economy has finally recovered. A final Covid test confirmed that the population can open the front door and get on with their lives. Hallelujah!
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Reminder that I’m still looking for guest posts. Thank you to the four people who have written in already. Ideally I’d like one additional person to write in which would give me a total of five guest posts for 2022. That seems like a good number.
